不好意思 vs 对不起 (bù hǎoyìsi vs duìbuqǐ): which apology to use
Both 不好意思 and 对不起 mean 'sorry' in Chinese, but they differ in severity and context. 不好意思 is a mild apology for minor social infractions or embarrassing situations, while 对不起 is a sincere apology for more serious faults. Choosing the wrong one can sound either too trivial or overly dramatic.
Both 不好意思 and 对不起 translate to 'sorry' or 'excuse me' in English, but they are used in different situations. 不好意思 is a softer, more informal apology for minor mistakes or moments of embarrassment—like bumping into someone lightly or being late by a minute. 对不起 is a stronger, sincere apology used when you have genuinely caused harm or inconvenience, and it often expects a response of acceptance or forgiveness. The key is to match the weight of the apology to the severity of the situation.
When to use each
Use 不好意思 for minor social mistakes, such as stepping on someone’s foot accidentally, interrupting a conversation briefly, or asking for a small favor. It conveys embarrassment or mild regret without implying serious fault. It can also be used simply to get someone's attention politely, like saying 'excuse me' before asking a question.
In some contexts, 不好意思 can also express shyness or being too embarrassed to do something, e.g., 不好意思开口 (too shy to speak up).
Use 对不起 when you have made a more serious mistake, caused real inconvenience, or need to apologize sincerely—for example, breaking something, being very late, or hurting someone’s feelings. It is the standard apology for admitting fault and often expects a response like 没关系 (méiguānxi, 'it's okay').
While 对不起 is direct and sincere, it can sound too formal or heavy for trivial matters; in such cases 不好意思 is more natural.
At a glance
| 不好意思 | 对不起 | |
|---|---|---|
| Severity of fault | Minor, embarrassing situations | Serious, genuine mistakes |
| Typical context | Bumping into someone, asking a favor, small delays | Breaking something, being very late, hurting feelings |
| Emotional tone | Embarrassed, apologetic but light | Sincere, admission of fault |
| Expected response | Often no response needed, or a simple '没事' | Typically answered with '没关系' or '不要紧' |
| Can it mean 'excuse me'? | Yes - to get attention | No - not used to get attention |
Examples
- 不好意思不好意思，请问地铁站在哪儿？Bù hǎoyìsi, qǐngwèn dìtiě zhàn zài nǎr?Excuse me, where is the subway station?Using 对不起 here would sound too serious for a simple request.
- 对不起对不起，我迟到了。Duìbuqǐ, wǒ chídào le.I'm sorry, I'm late.Appropriate for a late arrival that causes inconvenience; 不好意思 would be too weak if the lateness is significant.
- 不好意思不好意思，把您的杯子碰倒了。Bù hǎoyìsi, bǎ nín de bēizi pèng dǎo le.Sorry, I knocked over your cup.If the cup breaks, you should use 对不起 instead to show more sincerity.
- 对不起对不起，我忘了你的生日。Duìbuqǐ, wǒ wàng le nǐ de shēngrì.I'm sorry, I forgot your birthday.Serious mistake that likely hurt feelings; 不好意思 would sound insincere.
- 不好意思不好意思，我可以坐这儿吗？Bù hǎoyìsi, wǒ kěyǐ zuò zhèr ma?Excuse me, may I sit here?Polite way to ask for a seat; 对不起 is not used for this purpose.
Common mistakes
- Using 对不起 for minor actions like brushing someone's coat lightly — use 不好意思.
- Using 不好意思 when you have broken something valuable or hurt someone's feelings — use 对不起.
- Using 对不起 as 'excuse me' to get someone's attention — this is not standard; use 不好意思 or 请问.
- Overusing 对不起 in everyday trivial situations makes you sound overly formal or dramatic — 不好意思 is more natural.
FAQ
- When do I use 不好意思 vs 对不起?
- Use 不好意思 for minor, embarrassing mistakes or to say 'excuse me' politely. Use 对不起 for sincere apologies when you have made a real mistake or caused serious inconvenience.
- Can I use 对不起 to say 'excuse me' in a crowd?
- No, 对不起 is not used to get attention or ask a question. Use 不好意思 or 请问 (qǐngwèn, 'may I ask') instead.
- What about 抱歉 (bàoqiàn)? How does it compare?
- 抱歉 is more formal and written-oriented than 对不起. It expresses a polite, distant apology often used in business settings or written notes. It is not a casual apology; it sounds more like 'I apologize' than 'sorry.' In everyday speech, 不好意思 and 对不起 are preferred.
- Is it rude to use 不好意思 for a serious apology?
- Yes, using 不好意思 for a serious fault can come across as dismissive or insincere. In those situations, 对不起 is necessary to show you acknowledge the gravity of the mistake.